I haven’t really updated because I’m lazy, but also because I got mad at Tumblr for uploading the wrong video then refusing to let me upload the right one. Yes, I’m that petty. Whatever, Afrer three days I’m admitting defete and I’m going to put it on my youtube then onto here.
I’m looking forward to the rest of the month. On Friday we’re going to the Museum of London (Docklands) and I’m reakky fucking excited. Saturday Dan is coming to visit (HORRAY!) and then I still have my birthday and the London meetup to be excited about which I am beyond excited about but SO nervous because only three people have confirmed on the Facebook page.
I’m SOOO excited for Friday though, I could just die.
Whatever, watch out for the hilarious video that I will get around to posting and I’m sure I have a few posts to catch up on as well as Dylan’s 365 blog.
I said I wasn’t going to get any more visible (hands, arms, shoulders, back etc) tattoos until after I get married. Except tattoos are really theraputic and I want my fingers done now.
Today I’m taking Dylan to meet my mum and go shopping for birthday things. Namely pretty things from Pandora. I think I might rent out a kiddi car for Dylan, because why not? yano? I should also buy myself something to wear for the party my mums throwing for me (in fact I know exactly what I want and where to get it from) but I feel horrible because I’ve gained weight so I refuse to buy myself anything. BUT Dylan needs (actually he doesn’t need anything but whatevs) an outfit for the party too so I’ll buy him one (and probably a ton of other stuff as per).
People don’t really get it. Before they meet Dylan people tend to think I gush about him, or that I talk endlessly about him. To be honest I do, but that’s because he’s my entire life in one little human and I love him more than anything.
But the thing that makes me happiest, aside from Dylan, is after people meet him, be it family, my mums friends, my friends.. whoever, after they meet him they just melt. He is such an amazing child. He has a personality and somehow it’s like he has charisma which doesn’t make any sense to me (because how?). He has an amazing chilled out thing going on where he just toddles around showing people things and rarely fussing or crying. And that smile. Fuck my life. I’m SO in love with him.
I do have a point. My point is you just cannot fully understand how amazing he is until he is right in front of you. And then it just hits you because he’s so cool. And he’s only thirteen months old.
Things I don't want to pass onto Dylan: coping skills
I’ve mentioned before, my lack of coping skills.
Another thing I do aside from spend money, wear sweats and drink wine is cut/dye/change my hair. Thismorning I’ve dyed my hair and cut about 3 inches off the bottom because I’m having a minor breakdown over stuff that I’m not talking about.
My hair stylist and colourist are going to flat out murder me. If you know how long they’ve been cutting out my bangs and trying to get my hair back to is natural colour with healthy volume and shine you would probably cry. I have a feeling they might cry when they see me. oops.
Dylan is napping. During nap time I work out in an attempt to not feel so fat all the time. I can’t say it really works although I feel much, MUCH worse if I skip a work out.
I don’t have work again today which is nice because I’m exhausted after Harrison came home and woke up Dylan with his loudness last night and I had to fight to get Dylan to sleep again till well past 10pm. I’m trying to decide whether we should go out today. And by go out I mean go shopping. The answer is of course no. No Holly you should not go shopping, Dylan doesn’t need anything else. But then I don’t feel like staying in today.
I was talking to my mum about getting married in Greece and now I have pictures of beautiful Greek weddings floating round my brain. Except she said that it probably wouldn’t be my best idea because my family would have to go to Greece. To which I replied that I just wouldn’t invite them. Dealing with the situation like an adult, as always.
It’s my birthday in seventeen days. I’m turning 21 woohoo!! I’m going to convince my mother to buy me pretty things from Pandora and buy myself an iPad because I’m a grown up and grown ups buy themselves presents.. Right? Oh and my mum is throwing a party for me which is making me nervous and I feel the need to lose 10lb in preparation for it. I won’t. duh. But I feel like I should.
It’s 1pm and Dylan just woke up from his nap. I don’t have work today so we’re going to potter round, walk Darcey and post a package to my babe Lilja. We didn’t have a bath thismorning because we can have one later which I’m hoping will help Landy relax before bed instead of a repeat of last night where he was running around throwing his new toy swan at Darcey.
Dylan has started to run and also hide under his highchair, behind doors or in my wardrobe.
This evening he picked up a pound coin and when I asked him to give it to me he ran into his bedroom and hid behind the door.
He also dances. He bops up and down waving his arms and shaking his head.
And he has added cat, dog, shoes and up to his vocabulary.
Of all the life skills, the ones I was most definately not blessed with were coping skills. I suck at coping in a rational, adult way. I find out things that upset me or cause me stress and I drink wine, cry and spend extortionate amounts of money and block it all out.
It’s a flaw in my personality that while I feel I should fix I’m avoiding it because really coping with stuff means facing stuff I don’t want to face. Although it’s probably a life skill I need to teach Dylan and I can’t teach him if I can’t do it myself.
Over the past month I’ve blown through about £1000. Cloth nappies, clothes, days out..
Actually it’s £676 and I’m ignoring the fact that I’ve been paid during that time because my pay goes on bills and food etc. That £676 is purely on material things and things I can’t remember buying. I check my bank balance every few days and want to vomit.
Moral of the story: I am a bad and wasteful person. I shouldn’t be given money ever because I have a compulsive spending habit.
Also, I’m sad about things that are probably really selfish and that makes me feel worse.
Today I packed away Landy’s 3-6 months clothes. Irrespective of them actually still fitting him I decided that at 13 months he shouldn’t be wearing 3-6 months. Also I needed extra wardrobe space for the clothes I keep buying.
I also packed away his baby cot bedding in favour of some new Thomas the Tank Engine bedding. The sling (cries) and his size 3 shoes because one of his feet is a 3.5 now.
Today we skipped playgroup and sat in Maggies garden before work. It was good to catch up and Adam has grown a ton, except his hair which has been shaved off (chic). Dylan kept pointing at the cat and saying “OG! Maaa Oggg. OOkkk OG!” To which I would say, “no cat Dylan. Can you say cat?” and he would say “OG!”
At work older boy once again went to a friends house (and got into trouble for not asking previously) and I made a red lentil curry because of reasons.
The weather men are lying to us on a daily basis. They keep telling us to expect showers and highs of around 21 degrees and then today it was 27 degrees and we melted because I was expecting highs of 21 degrees and wore jeans and all black. Whatever. We have creche/class tomorrow morning which I’m looking forward to because Dylan comes back to me so happy and I’m excited to show off his new ham grin and his improved walking.
I’m also excited for the London meetup that I’m expecting everyone to turn up to despite lacking ideas for anything other than I’ve previously posted.
Do you know what that means?! It means that the Zara sale started today and I just spent £65 on new bits for Dylan!!
Actually, that’s not what it means but it doesn’t mean hat didn’t happen thismorning.
Thursday means it’s nearly Friday, which means it’s nearly the weekiend and it’s also my last day of work this week. Also older boy has a detention so he won’t be home. Also Harrison finishes work early so will be around later meaning I can pass out from exhaustion when I get home despite Dylan still being wide awake. Or you know, I could write up all my work for class tomorrow, but I’d rather sleep.
Thursday also means playgroup is today and as if by magic Dylan woke up just before 6am (and Harrison got up with him! what is this witchcraft?) so fell asleep at 830am SO will wake up from his nap with plenty of ime to eat lunch, take Darcey for a walk and go to playgroup. Then again it’s 29 degrees inside right now and humidity is sitting at 82% which means playgroup will be like sitting in the burning pits of hell with over excited, overly hot screaming children.
But now it’s nap time and of course, rather than sleeping I’m working out. But I might cut my workout short to sleep because I’m exhausted. Also, would it be terrible to eat frosting? Cause I really want some frosting.
After a few nights of really, REALLY good sleep (we’re talking thirteen hours waking up once to dream feed kind of sleep) Dylan decided to remind me who’s boss by waking up at 5am.
He went back to sleep about 645 and woke up again at 7am. I’m waiting for him to nap now. He always naps later when Harrison is here in the morning.
You know that really stupid thing you do as a parent who’s had no sleep, where your child naps and to prove that you’re super human and don’t need sleep you decide to do a work out rather than nap with them? Just me? Ok then.
I’ve heard, mostly though stumbling across posts on tumblr, rumors about amber teething beads being recalled. I didn’t pay much attention because Dylan rarely wears his. Anyway….
Today I was in my favourite organic baby shop (they happen to sell amber beads) and as I was about to leave a Trading Standards officer came in to tell the owner that amber teething beads have been deemed unsafe and unless they can provide proof that their beads are safe they’re now illegal to sell.
They failed saftey checks on numerous counts and as manufacturers are hard to trace it’s difficult to know who exactly is producing the beads so they be sorted into safe and unsafe brands.
It’s just a heads up to you all to be aware that trading standards are actively removing amber teething beads from the market.
-We’re intentionally skipping playgroup today to go hang in Greenwich and make the most of the fact that it’s not raining. Dylan’s outfit will be cute and I’ll look like a slob but it’s fine.
- I’m slightly panicking because it struck me that I only have two? weeks left of training then I’m expected to properly talk to/help other women about/with breastfeeding (problems) and I don’t feel ready. I also have a feeling I have a lot of work to do that for some reason I haven’t done yet.
- Right now I’m struggling with accepting my size/weight and it’s complete balls. Actually this is probably why I’m suddenly dressing like a complete slob again.
- Watching Rebecca get married and Jess have baby M has made me want to rip my hair out in jealousy and frustration.
- Finally. Do you ever look at your kid in amazement because despite knowing full well that they learn and grow and actually watching it happen over time you just feel overwhelmed by what they can do. Dylan walking has thrown me. Obviously for the past three months I’ve watched him progress from sofa surfing to walking with his walker, then walking holding hands and then taking a few steps unaided. But it feels like he’s gone from taking 10 steps alone to walking freely around the house/shops/park etc out of nowhere. Yesterday I cried about this.